Quotes on romance
Men and women are slightly different here.
More after the jump.
On the female side, romance is one part genetic attraction, one part insecurity, one part potential, one part desire for conquest, one part coy.
On the male side, romance is one part genetic attraction, one part insecurity, one part potential, one part desire for communion, and one part determination/emotional strength.
For it to become more, each side needs an additional 5 parts desire for family/stability, and 5 parts flexibility.
For all of that to last, each side needs an additional 10 parts an understanding that the relationship is more valuable for all parties than the amount of work necessary for the relationship succeed, and the willingness to execute on that amount of work.
The first three points are necessary to get the ball rolling. The fourth is necessary, and determinative sexually, this is opposite our general understanding of sexual roles. The fifth is, likewise determinative sexually, but conforms to our general understanding of sexual roles.
For the relationship to be more than romance the parties must have some desire for family/stability, and they must have the flexibility to spend significant amounts of time living in close proximity. This is one of the critical problems in relationships.
The final point is critical for longevity. Placing adults with differing backgrounds into close relationships in compact living arrangements is a recipe for disaster without this component. It is also the reason so many people whose parents divorced will divorce themselves. The parental view of the value of marital relations in relation to the amount of work necessary to continue the relationship appears to be instilled in the child.
What Women Want--What Men Want: Why the Sexes Still See Love and Commitment So Differently by John Marshall Townsend
This is what one needs to understand once the romance matures, and the insecurity is replaced with security. Everyone should read this book in their teens so they understand what the human hardwiring is, why it is, and how to make sure it is working towards and not against ones goals.
One note on the problems which occurs immediately after marriage. Both sexes have changes. In mature relationships, both parties become more secure as the relationship matures. Women complete the conquest at marriage. Men achieve the communion at least by marriage. Remaining coy, and determined are exhausting and and the desire to do so slowly fades. This is a dangerous time. The relationship is now more mature but the giddy, gut churning insecurity is gone, as is the payoff when the spouse shows affection.
From here the relationship is all faith and hard work. Good luck, you will need it.