Mon Dieu, global warming causes evolution!

Pizzly or grolar bear: grizzly-polar hybrid is a new result of climate change

Oliver Milman is comically breathless over at the Guardian, because . . . EVOLUTION . . .

Or something.

More below the fold.

Get a grip Ollie, Holy Mother of Pearl! It a damn bear, you know, like all the rest of them. They can all breed, and have babies, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. Just because your car backfired does not mean this is due to the car, or global warming. Yes, the sycophant adherents who believe the fairy story claim it is but . . . 

. . . the list of things caused by global warming is long, and silly:

A Complete List Of Things Supposedly Caused By Global Warming 

I was just looking and noticed "coral bleaching." So, how about anal bleaching? The timing is about right, it seems to be at a high dudgeon right now, and global warming is at high dudgeon!

And what about all that human topiary? Brazilian waxing? Bushless women? Enquiring minds want to know!

Woman Crashes Car While Shaving Privates

We're taking this a proof that global warming causes depilation, among women while driving, and can create such a distraction that accidents can occur.

This is what global warming can do:

"According to a startled Florida Highway Patrol trooper, Barnes was shaving her bikini area while driving south on the famed Overseas Highway when she crashed into the rear of an SUV March 2.

In the police report obtained by ABC News, the trim job was apparently essential because the arresting officer, trooper Gary Dunick, said the Indiana native told him she was heading to Key West visit her boyfriend.

"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Dunick told the Key West Citizen.
It gets weirder. In order to pay full attention to her sensitive regions, police say Barnes enlisted her ex-husband, Charles Judy, who was riding shotgun, to hold the wheel.

Yes, her ex-husband.

Their tag-team driving went awry when an SUV driving in front of them slowed to turn. Barnes' 1995 Thunderbird smashed into it. Two of the SUV's passengers suffered minor injuries, police say. Barnes shouldn't have been driving that Thunderbird, since she had been convicted the previous day for driving under the influence and driving with a suspended license.

According to the arrest report, it was the sixth time her license had been suspended.
After the accident, Barnes and Judy drove off, police say. The Thunderbird limped a few hundred yards before the couple switched seats. "She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," Dunick told the Citizen. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?'"

But the attempt to claim that Judy, not Barnes, was driving was also doomed. Judy had visible burns on his chest he claimed came from the exploding airbag, but only the passenger side airbag deployed, according to the police report.

So Dunick charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of an accident with injuries and driving with no insurance. Judy was not charged.

According to the arrest affidavit, the trooper asked her afterward why she didn't hit the brakes when she saw the SUV. She answered bluntly, "I told you, I was shaving."

"If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it," Dunick told the Citizen.

"About 10 years ago, I stopped a guy in the exact same spot... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it.'"

I laugh out loud every time I read this piece. 

Really, what other than something as powerful as global warming could have caused this? The Blues Brothers Band might have been powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline, but this story turned a simple auto accident into Comedy Gold! Brilliant.