I liked being single, it was easy, and comfortable

Being Single Is Hard

I like being married, and I wanted to marry because I wanted family. I think I like being married more than single, mostly because it provides me with a simpler life, with define roles, and a very specific place. 

That said, I was single until I was past 29, and I enjoyed pretty much every minute of it. I like dating, I liked when I was not dating, I liked the freedom, and I was fine when a relationship limited my freedoms. 

Perhaps this is a man/woman thing? Perhaps not, I don't know. Perhaps I am like this because I am essentially an introvert who has built an extravert emulator module? Perhaps it is because I always knew that my life would work out, I would work when I needed money, play when I could, and have relationships that I enjoyed when I wanted them. And, yes, it pretty much worked out exactly that way. 

Actually, I suspect much of this comes from my life philosophy which solidified quite young. This happened because I either changed schools, or  my family moved every year K-12 except for 3rd grade, 8th, 9th, 11th, 12th grades, meaning there were 8 transitional years versus 5 steady years, all but one which came right at the end of K-12 schooling, and never with more than 2 years in a row at the both the same school and house.

I simply learned to accept where I was, and make the best of every situation. This philosophy solidified by the time I was about 12. When everyone else was in a tizzy over the move to college, it seemed old hat to me. And dating breakups were just an extension of having to leave friends every year, and make new ones at a new location, or school. I never felt like that date was the "one." 

I was picky about dates, but never so picky that I could not find a date, I was pickier about friends. 

I had a strong family, and I was close with my brothers. Once we brothers were adults there was little conflict. 

Then again, I am the kind of person who enjoys a 90 day solo wilderness kayak expedition, and easily makes friends at any stop along the way. 

Finally, I found that saying yes was one of the most powerful things I could do. So, I did, pretty much whenever the opportunity arose. The result was an active life full of adventures, with an endless array of people. I stopped saying yes to women quite so much when I married. And that also was a good thing. 

The link in this post is about appetite, but it applies here as well:

"A Harvard psychologist reveals the secret to curbing your appetite"

The real point here, which is a bit lost in the weight loss discussion is that "have-to" is treated by the brain as different then "want-to." Have-to is negative with negative connotations, and outcomes, while want-to is positive with positive connotations, and outcomes. 

I realized after watching this video, that I am essentially a want-to person, and when I say yes, it is because I long ago decided that yes was a powerful way to leverage myself into new experiences, meet new friends, date new women, and get the most possible out of life. Everything I did from the jobs I worked, to the placed I traveled, to dating, making friends, marrying, and having family all are want-to in my mind. All created great experiences. 

In my life I am a free agent with complete agency, complete liberty (freedom tied to personal responsibility - as opposed to untethered freedom), and complete responsibility. The result is I like my life, but realize I have on occasion made sub optimum choices. And for me, this is acceptable.

I wonder how Emma Lindsey would evaluate herself on this metric?