Every month I receive the Wash Co. Sheriff's Office Current Events, which includes some funny criminal entries . . .
. . . like these:
"Man Shoots His Own Car - West Slope
03/26/16 - Just before 5 am, after having his keys taken by a friend who didn't want him to drive drunk, a man fired shots from a .40 caliber handgun in the air and at his own car! Fortunately, no one was injured. Deputies arrested the shooter for Unlawful Use of a Weapon, Recklessly Endangering Another Person, Disorderly Conduct, and Unlawful Possession of Firearms. He had plenty of time to sober up in jail."
Now that is a level of drunk, and stupid that even amazed me. He's just the kind of stupid to make the bullet holes in his car into a story of brave, daring do. Heh! Thankfully, West Slope is about 5 miles down the pike from Stately Maddog Manor.
"U-Turn, U-Turn, U-Turn, U-Go, I-Stop, U-Go . . . to Jail
03/29/16 - Just after midnight, deputies stopped a vehicle after watching a driver make a U-turn and hit a sidewalk. The driver admitted to drinking and showed signs of impairment. Suddenly, the driver took off, did another U-turn, hit another sidewalk, and sped away. Deputies pursued the vehicle south on SW 185th Avenue, where he made another fast U-turn at SW Hart Road, went into the ditch several times, reaching speeds up to 70 mph. The driver briefly stopped in a nearby neighborhood, then took off one more time. Deputies stopped the vehicle using a pursuit intervention tactic on SW Farmington Road. The vehicle was safely stopped without anyone getting injured. He was lodged in the jail on multiple charges."
I am detecting a pattern. Booze + dumbshite = jail time. I never argue with math. This is also a good 5 miles from Stately Maddog Manor.
"Twice in the Same Week!
03/21/16 - An Aloha man reported his vehicle had been stolen from his driveway; it was recovered a short time later. Then, just three days later, the same man reported his vehicle stolen again from his driveway. Both times, the vehicle was either unlocked or left with keys in the ignition. Please make vehicle theft harder for the criminals; remember to always lock unattended vehicles!"
It really is impossible to teach an old dog a new trick. Again, more than 5 miles from Stately Maddog Manor.
This is what passes as crime in the extended Maddog neighborhood. In the closer neighborhood there is nearly no crime. Pretty boring here at the End of History.